Tunes in my head: Water in the Sky by Phish
Atmosphere: Tired, depressed.
listen as she speaks to you
hear the voices flutter through
watch them fall and let them lie
rising tides and ocean falls
I need to find an outlet for all of this negative energy that I'm currently harnessing. And I can't go swimming in some sea or anything to do it.
But I can't seem to find one.
The only outlet that actually works isn't something one can try every day.
Every time I try to recreate that and write I just fall farther down the abyss.
And it's not a fun fall.
I clamber my way back up a little bit, and then get kicked in the face.
Is it part of the human spirit then to continue climbing back up, and to continue making an attempt to make themselves good?
Got my UAC guide today. In eight and a half weeks, I will have left school forever.
And I don't even know whether to be happy or sad.
Why do I keep writing here? Barely anyone reads this on a regular or semi-regular basis. It just makes me think about issues and get more and more depressed. Do I really have intellectual worth or am I just some typically angsty psuedo-smart teenager who talks like a part of the intelligensia but in reality is rather stupid, naive and bitter, and so tries to hide it? Does anybody even care about this, or am I just writing for my own eyes? I mean, I know that I refuse to censor this ever, because the first target audience is me. But it'd be nice to have someone come up to me some day and go "hey, Liam, your blog on Thursday really touched me, thankyou for writing it."
And even when people do that, it just feels so hollow. Like they're only doing it out of obligation for me, to make me feels that infitismally little bit better. Of course, it's only a brief respite, but I suppose any is good. For every other moment of my day, I sit here and just wallow in my solitary shell.
Time to end this awfully depressing post on a final note, I guess?
I took a moment from my day
And wrapped it up in things you say
Mailed it off to your address
You'll get it pretty soon unless
The packaging begins to break
And all the points I try to make
Are tossed with thoughts into a bin
Time leaks out my life leaks in
You won't find moments in a box
And someone else will set your clocks
I took a moment from my day
And wrapped it up in things you say
And mailed it off to you.
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3 comments:
I've been wading in the velvet sea.
I would say your posts touch me, but they don't. I can rarely understand them or relate to them. I don't think that's a bad thing, though.
Sometimes you're just a bit cryptic.
I do read your blog almost everyday. Anytime I miss a day I read back through the blogs I havn't read.
I agree with Ree, I can't relate to a lot of your posts but that's not a bad thing.
I understand where you're coming from in most of them but I just wouldn't have a clue what to say to you about them. I also wouldn't approach you and tell you a blog of yours touched me, regardless of whether it did or not, simply because I wouldn't want people to do that to me.
I read. But you probably don't want me to.
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