Tunes in my head: Funky Bitch by Phish
Atmosphere: New mobile, woot.
As humans, we are too preoccupied with technology.
I just got a new phone (a Nokia N97, for you technophiles) and am utterly fascinated with it.
Why?
I dunno. I always said I'd be against the whole proliferation of technology, the obsession with phones.
And now I myself am getting sucked endlessly into it.
As a whole, we are generally fascinated with shiny things.
But why? Is it just for being new?
What happens after a few weeks? Will the new Ferrari get tossed in place of the old, beaten down Audi?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
It's never too late to get up and go.
Tunes in my head: Doing The Unstuck by The Cure
Atmosphere: Thoughtful
I could write nothing here and it would mean more.
Atmosphere: Thoughtful
I could write nothing here and it would mean more.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
The thrill, the sweetest chill.
Tunes in my head: Fragile Dreams by Anathema
Atmosphere: Uplifted
Why do we have doubt within ourselves?
Is it because the moment of doubt is so much more potent than the moment of elation?
I basically taught a class today. And apparently I did extremely well. But even afterwards, I still had this lingering taste of doubt flowing through my mind.
I got the oppurtunity to do what I love - write. And to be paid a significant sum for it.
But what do I do? I doubt the fact that it may happen. I doubt my abilities to do what I apparently do so well.
Why do we do this, humanity?
Atmosphere: Uplifted
Why do we have doubt within ourselves?
Is it because the moment of doubt is so much more potent than the moment of elation?
I basically taught a class today. And apparently I did extremely well. But even afterwards, I still had this lingering taste of doubt flowing through my mind.
I got the oppurtunity to do what I love - write. And to be paid a significant sum for it.
But what do I do? I doubt the fact that it may happen. I doubt my abilities to do what I apparently do so well.
Why do we do this, humanity?
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Can We Hear
Tunes in my head: Sitting Still by R.E.M.
Atmosphere: Creative
where do all of the children sleep
under stars where boys cannot see
under sun shooting stares at them
kitchen man is not impressed
as breaking down of things concurrs
get so far and no-one knows
sitting time and wasting plan
nothing more than standing still
Atmosphere: Creative
where do all of the children sleep
under stars where boys cannot see
under sun shooting stares at them
kitchen man is not impressed
as breaking down of things concurrs
get so far and no-one knows
sitting time and wasting plan
nothing more than standing still
Friday, November 20, 2009
I don't usually do these, but...
Tunes in my head: Natural Science by Rush
Atmosphere: Desolate
I thought this one was good.
--
10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now
1. You know how much I love you. You know that I'd do anything for you at anytime. I don't know why, but I would. I'd like you to actually appreciate this and return it. I feel you take me for granted a bit.
2. You've changed too much, look at what she's done to you. You've gone from someone who I can trust to someone who disgusts me.
3. You make me cry a lot. Sometimes happy tears. Sometimes sad tears. But always a raw emotional response whenever I think of you. It's strange, but what can I do about it? It's who I am, and you know that better than anyone.
4. Hurry up and come back already, I barely know you and I already miss you to bits.
5. I don't know, dude. I feel bad that she's taken my place somewhat. And I know she destroys you. I want you to get out. But I can't do it. And I don't want to at the risk of your happiness.
6. Do you really realise how many people hate you?
7. Even though I may have told you to some extent, there is still nothing I could ever say or do to ever encompass the respect I have for you.
8. You're a fucking arsehole. I specifically ask you not to do things that I know would make me out to be an idiot and you do them anyway. Thanks for ruining my chance.
9. Why can't you die?
10. I don't know where this is going. But it may end up good or bad. It'll be an interesting ride.
9 things people may not know about you
1. I still bite my nails.
2. I hate eating. Really.
3. Sleep is a rarity for me. It's hard especially in this heat.
4. I could once speak semi-fluent Spanish.
5. If you have green eyes, I will love you.
6. I don't actually enjoy drinking, contrary to my heritage.
7. If I could be a politican, I would run like hell to Europe.
8. I've never wanted nothing more than to be in a successfulish band.
9. My mind can run in circles and be a blank whiteboard.
8 ways to win your heart
1. Have a cute smile.
2. Be open to new things, experimentation, new music.
3. Affection.
4. Read as much as possible.
5. Know there is a time to be outgoing, and a time to be insular.
6. Make me smile.
7. Be yourself, it's most important.
8. Love me, for who I am, no matter what happens between us.
7 things that cross your mind a lot
1. The past.
2. The present.
3. The future.
4. Wishing.
5. Music.
6. What could have been.
7. Novel ideas.
6 things you do before you fall asleep (not in order)
1. Listen to music.
2. Brush teeth.
3. Wish.
4. Reminisce.
5. Try to make someone smile.
6. Generally, fail.
5 things you notice in the opposite sex
1. Personality.
2. Eyes.
3. Sense of humour.
4. Affection.
5. Openness.
4 things you wish you never did/had
1. Given up.
2. Been run over. Not by a car. But by people.
3. Let go of things dear to me.
4. Been convinced to do that subject.
3 songs to describe your life
1. The Sweetest Chill - Siouxsie and the Banshees.
2. World Leader Pretend by R.E.M.
3. Anything But Me by Phish.
2 things you want to do before you die
1. Make someone happy. Truly happy.
2. Make my impression on the world. Artistically, preferably.
1 confession
1. I am who I am. You all know who that is. Because I am so different from most of you, I'm so alone. I don't know what to do most days. And I'm more scared and afraid of life than anybody thinks. It sucks. But what can I do? The few people who actually can access me choose not to. So I sit, alone. And it fucks with me. I wish for impossible things. Knowing they will never come to fruitition. It only makes me more alone, more miserable. It's only a matter of time before the break. I'm not okay.
Atmosphere: Desolate
I thought this one was good.
--
10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now
1. You know how much I love you. You know that I'd do anything for you at anytime. I don't know why, but I would. I'd like you to actually appreciate this and return it. I feel you take me for granted a bit.
2. You've changed too much, look at what she's done to you. You've gone from someone who I can trust to someone who disgusts me.
3. You make me cry a lot. Sometimes happy tears. Sometimes sad tears. But always a raw emotional response whenever I think of you. It's strange, but what can I do about it? It's who I am, and you know that better than anyone.
4. Hurry up and come back already, I barely know you and I already miss you to bits.
5. I don't know, dude. I feel bad that she's taken my place somewhat. And I know she destroys you. I want you to get out. But I can't do it. And I don't want to at the risk of your happiness.
6. Do you really realise how many people hate you?
7. Even though I may have told you to some extent, there is still nothing I could ever say or do to ever encompass the respect I have for you.
8. You're a fucking arsehole. I specifically ask you not to do things that I know would make me out to be an idiot and you do them anyway. Thanks for ruining my chance.
9. Why can't you die?
10. I don't know where this is going. But it may end up good or bad. It'll be an interesting ride.
9 things people may not know about you
1. I still bite my nails.
2. I hate eating. Really.
3. Sleep is a rarity for me. It's hard especially in this heat.
4. I could once speak semi-fluent Spanish.
5. If you have green eyes, I will love you.
6. I don't actually enjoy drinking, contrary to my heritage.
7. If I could be a politican, I would run like hell to Europe.
8. I've never wanted nothing more than to be in a successfulish band.
9. My mind can run in circles and be a blank whiteboard.
8 ways to win your heart
1. Have a cute smile.
2. Be open to new things, experimentation, new music.
3. Affection.
4. Read as much as possible.
5. Know there is a time to be outgoing, and a time to be insular.
6. Make me smile.
7. Be yourself, it's most important.
8. Love me, for who I am, no matter what happens between us.
7 things that cross your mind a lot
1. The past.
2. The present.
3. The future.
4. Wishing.
5. Music.
6. What could have been.
7. Novel ideas.
6 things you do before you fall asleep (not in order)
1. Listen to music.
2. Brush teeth.
3. Wish.
4. Reminisce.
5. Try to make someone smile.
6. Generally, fail.
5 things you notice in the opposite sex
1. Personality.
2. Eyes.
3. Sense of humour.
4. Affection.
5. Openness.
4 things you wish you never did/had
1. Given up.
2. Been run over. Not by a car. But by people.
3. Let go of things dear to me.
4. Been convinced to do that subject.
3 songs to describe your life
1. The Sweetest Chill - Siouxsie and the Banshees.
2. World Leader Pretend by R.E.M.
3. Anything But Me by Phish.
2 things you want to do before you die
1. Make someone happy. Truly happy.
2. Make my impression on the world. Artistically, preferably.
1 confession
1. I am who I am. You all know who that is. Because I am so different from most of you, I'm so alone. I don't know what to do most days. And I'm more scared and afraid of life than anybody thinks. It sucks. But what can I do? The few people who actually can access me choose not to. So I sit, alone. And it fucks with me. I wish for impossible things. Knowing they will never come to fruitition. It only makes me more alone, more miserable. It's only a matter of time before the break. I'm not okay.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The echo of whomever spoke.
Tunes in my head: Bouncing Around The Room by Phish
Atmosphere: Miserable.
I wish.
I wish I could do something about the people I care about. They're quite few in number, really. Some say I'm massively caring. But the people who know know that I only care fervently and few.
And those people are the ones who I can't do much about. They seem to be constantly sad, they seem to have problems that are out of my reach.
So what can I do? Try and fail or sit and feel horrible?
Both are pretty shitty options.
Formal was quite good, but I spent too much time thinking. Even though that person has such a bright life from my perspective anyway, I was just thinking about how I could make it a little bit brighter, a little bit happier.
How I could access the darkness I have glimpsed and wash it all away.
There are others who seem to be in constant pain, in agony. And yet I try and try and try to make them happy, I do anything. I make myself look like an absolute idiot and degrade myself in front of them for it.
And what do I get for that?
Nothing but pain and tears.
I'm still waiting for the moment of happiness. Just one that I create. Whether with someone or not.
But what can I do?
I wish I could make people happy.
But all I seem to do is wish impossible things.
Atmosphere: Miserable.
I wish.
I wish I could do something about the people I care about. They're quite few in number, really. Some say I'm massively caring. But the people who know know that I only care fervently and few.
And those people are the ones who I can't do much about. They seem to be constantly sad, they seem to have problems that are out of my reach.
So what can I do? Try and fail or sit and feel horrible?
Both are pretty shitty options.
Formal was quite good, but I spent too much time thinking. Even though that person has such a bright life from my perspective anyway, I was just thinking about how I could make it a little bit brighter, a little bit happier.
How I could access the darkness I have glimpsed and wash it all away.
There are others who seem to be in constant pain, in agony. And yet I try and try and try to make them happy, I do anything. I make myself look like an absolute idiot and degrade myself in front of them for it.
And what do I get for that?
Nothing but pain and tears.
I'm still waiting for the moment of happiness. Just one that I create. Whether with someone or not.
But what can I do?
I wish I could make people happy.
But all I seem to do is wish impossible things.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
My hair's on end about you.
Tunes in my head: Terrapin by Phish
Atmosphere: Insomnia
It's ridiculous, even. Our need for companionship. We put our hopes, our prides, our needs in the hands of people who could possibly fail in their endeavour to make the other happy.
But yet we still do it. We still aspire to not be alone, we still wish to take a few companions on this strange ride.
It's not even neccesarily in a kissy kissy let's make out sense, per se. People can be platonic companions on the ship. They can sit in the seats at the front of the lifeboat and discuss the virtues of Robert Smith with much passion and valour.
I'm depressed, guys.
I remember this time when I really needed some help. It was not massive, it wasn't life threatening in any means, but it was extremely rough at best.
I got abandoned. Completely and utterly abandoned. It's not neccesarily most of the people's faults, I can't blame them for it. Some I can, but whatever. That's not the point, really.
The point is that I felt so alone in my moment of need. My moment where I needed people to rally behind me for once, who was there?
Nobody.
And it fucking sucked, to put it lightly. It was one of the worst things ever. Because there were several nights where hey, I needed some fucking help and there was nothing I could do about it because I didn't know who to reach to.
I didn't know who I could trust, and I still don't. Yes, people do get preoccupied with things, the notion that I'm the centre of anybody's universe aside from my own (and even that one is questionable) is ridiculous.
But there are times where people should put down what are doing to help. The English homework that people are working on is rather, in fact, very insignificant when on the other end of the line is a person holding a knife to their own throat. Or a similar sort of situation in terms of emotional potency, you know?
When there is a breakup of kinds or an emotionally traumatic event or even just a random breakdown in the middle of the night, there needs to be support there when one needs it. You can't just go "oh, you'll be fine, shut up."
People do that. All the time. It gets rather infuriating.
We all have our own problems, and we all deserve to have them heard. There is no reason why we should be unneccesarily, unfairly condemned to silence.
But when we don't have someone to listen, to hear the words we sail upon, what choice do we have but that torture?
Atmosphere: Insomnia
It's ridiculous, even. Our need for companionship. We put our hopes, our prides, our needs in the hands of people who could possibly fail in their endeavour to make the other happy.
But yet we still do it. We still aspire to not be alone, we still wish to take a few companions on this strange ride.
It's not even neccesarily in a kissy kissy let's make out sense, per se. People can be platonic companions on the ship. They can sit in the seats at the front of the lifeboat and discuss the virtues of Robert Smith with much passion and valour.
I'm depressed, guys.
I remember this time when I really needed some help. It was not massive, it wasn't life threatening in any means, but it was extremely rough at best.
I got abandoned. Completely and utterly abandoned. It's not neccesarily most of the people's faults, I can't blame them for it. Some I can, but whatever. That's not the point, really.
The point is that I felt so alone in my moment of need. My moment where I needed people to rally behind me for once, who was there?
Nobody.
And it fucking sucked, to put it lightly. It was one of the worst things ever. Because there were several nights where hey, I needed some fucking help and there was nothing I could do about it because I didn't know who to reach to.
I didn't know who I could trust, and I still don't. Yes, people do get preoccupied with things, the notion that I'm the centre of anybody's universe aside from my own (and even that one is questionable) is ridiculous.
But there are times where people should put down what are doing to help. The English homework that people are working on is rather, in fact, very insignificant when on the other end of the line is a person holding a knife to their own throat. Or a similar sort of situation in terms of emotional potency, you know?
When there is a breakup of kinds or an emotionally traumatic event or even just a random breakdown in the middle of the night, there needs to be support there when one needs it. You can't just go "oh, you'll be fine, shut up."
People do that. All the time. It gets rather infuriating.
We all have our own problems, and we all deserve to have them heard. There is no reason why we should be unneccesarily, unfairly condemned to silence.
But when we don't have someone to listen, to hear the words we sail upon, what choice do we have but that torture?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Fuck you.
Tunes in my head: This Corrosion by The Sisters Of Mercy
Atmosphere: Die
LOOK. THIS FUCKING STOPS NOW. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, YOU TAKE IT UP WITH ME. NOBODY ELSE. IF YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME, YOU SAY IT TO ME. NOBODY ELSE. I CANNOT FUCKING STAND THIS SHIT.
Atmosphere: Die
LOOK. THIS FUCKING STOPS NOW. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, YOU TAKE IT UP WITH ME. NOBODY ELSE. IF YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME, YOU SAY IT TO ME. NOBODY ELSE. I CANNOT FUCKING STAND THIS SHIT.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Jewel of Wilson's foul domain.
Tunes in my head: Tela by Phish
Atmosphere: Sleepy
Why are we compelled to create art?
What exactly is that magical feeling we get when we've created something truly great?
Do we do it for the misty eyed moments when we're playing the melodic jam of our lives?
Do we create for the purpose of writing lines that amuse?
Artistry is a tough thing to create.
So many try, so few succeed.
So few actually create something worth crying over, laughing for, engaging with.
Most of modern art is disposable. It's listened to for three minutes and forgotten promptly thereafter.
Why do we still create, then?
Atmosphere: Sleepy
Why are we compelled to create art?
What exactly is that magical feeling we get when we've created something truly great?
Do we do it for the misty eyed moments when we're playing the melodic jam of our lives?
Do we create for the purpose of writing lines that amuse?
Artistry is a tough thing to create.
So many try, so few succeed.
So few actually create something worth crying over, laughing for, engaging with.
Most of modern art is disposable. It's listened to for three minutes and forgotten promptly thereafter.
Why do we still create, then?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
He was just like Jesse James.
Tunes in my head: Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me by Warren Zevon
Atmosphere: Sore
You'll notice I haven't been writing here much recently. (yes, only in my world is every other day "not often".)
I feel that I'm becoming slightly stagnant as a writer.
Nothing much has really happened to me recently, so I'm running out of things to say.
And what is to be said is for the novel.
The HSC finishes on Thursday. Perhaps after then I'll get a job or what have you to break the creative deadlock.
It's all I can really do now.
Atmosphere: Sore
You'll notice I haven't been writing here much recently. (yes, only in my world is every other day "not often".)
I feel that I'm becoming slightly stagnant as a writer.
Nothing much has really happened to me recently, so I'm running out of things to say.
And what is to be said is for the novel.
The HSC finishes on Thursday. Perhaps after then I'll get a job or what have you to break the creative deadlock.
It's all I can really do now.
Friday, November 6, 2009
He blew him to Johannesburg.
Tunes in my head: Rolane Chorale by Warren Zevon
Atmosphere: Angry
I remember when things were ideallic and nearly perfect.
I was writing constantly, it was a period of great creative strife.
I'm trying to recreate it.
It's not quite working.
Is to recreate the best way to do such things?
Atmosphere: Angry
I remember when things were ideallic and nearly perfect.
I was writing constantly, it was a period of great creative strife.
I'm trying to recreate it.
It's not quite working.
Is to recreate the best way to do such things?
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
How long can you stare?
Tunes in my head: King by Marillion
Atmosphere: Grumpy
What happens when we love?
What happens when we love someone we're not meant to?
We feel conflicted.
We feel like we shouldn't be doing this, we shouldn't be feeling these emotions.
But at the same time, we can't control our emotions.
And it feels kind of good to feel that way.
Even though you know that it will never come to fruition.
Somehow this is a better thing, really.
A fantasy that isn't ruined.
Atmosphere: Grumpy
What happens when we love?
What happens when we love someone we're not meant to?
We feel conflicted.
We feel like we shouldn't be doing this, we shouldn't be feeling these emotions.
But at the same time, we can't control our emotions.
And it feels kind of good to feel that way.
Even though you know that it will never come to fruition.
Somehow this is a better thing, really.
A fantasy that isn't ruined.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'll pull the thorns from your feet.
Tunes in my head: Be Mine by R.E.M.
Atmosphere: Grumpy
it's a sort of here comes the flood
lumina tastes like fear
i look up and what do i see?
a band of u.s. marines playing death
i can smell the sweetness on your breath
here we go again
tastes like fear so sweet
so fast so numbing
there's a desert where palm trees sway
near some form of wild heaven
aluminum tastes like hope
bittersweet lollipop
imperative mood imperative moves
still slightly delayed
here we go again
Atmosphere: Grumpy
it's a sort of here comes the flood
lumina tastes like fear
i look up and what do i see?
a band of u.s. marines playing death
i can smell the sweetness on your breath
here we go again
tastes like fear so sweet
so fast so numbing
there's a desert where palm trees sway
near some form of wild heaven
aluminum tastes like hope
bittersweet lollipop
imperative mood imperative moves
still slightly delayed
here we go again
Sunday, November 1, 2009
We're replaying 1961.
Tunes in my head: Living Through Another Cuba by XTC
Atmosphere: 4068/50000
In reality, we're just reliving the Cold War all over again.
There's all this tension with a region of the world (The Middle East), but there's no actual fighting being done between us and them (thank god.)
Can the Americans just not stay out of war for five seconds?
There's no reason for them to be getting involved in these issues at all aside from their own greed.
It's rather ridiculous.
Surely the fucking Yanks can get their nose out of someone else's affairs for five seconds?
I mean, I do admire Obama, no doubt, and I enjoy the fact that he intends to get out of Iraq ASAP. But they should never have been there in the first place.
And even if there is a withdrawal now, there is no excuse for how badly they have fucked up Iraq and Afghanistan and the general balance of power in the Middle East.
The fact that they're supporting someone in the Israel/Palestine conflict further complicates matters.
It's not so much that they're supporting Israel, but just that they're getting involved unnecessarily in such a volatile situation.
No matter their position on the world stage, it's unacceptable. And will lead to our demise, sooner rather than later.
Atmosphere: 4068/50000
In reality, we're just reliving the Cold War all over again.
There's all this tension with a region of the world (The Middle East), but there's no actual fighting being done between us and them (thank god.)
Can the Americans just not stay out of war for five seconds?
There's no reason for them to be getting involved in these issues at all aside from their own greed.
It's rather ridiculous.
Surely the fucking Yanks can get their nose out of someone else's affairs for five seconds?
I mean, I do admire Obama, no doubt, and I enjoy the fact that he intends to get out of Iraq ASAP. But they should never have been there in the first place.
And even if there is a withdrawal now, there is no excuse for how badly they have fucked up Iraq and Afghanistan and the general balance of power in the Middle East.
The fact that they're supporting someone in the Israel/Palestine conflict further complicates matters.
It's not so much that they're supporting Israel, but just that they're getting involved unnecessarily in such a volatile situation.
No matter their position on the world stage, it's unacceptable. And will lead to our demise, sooner rather than later.
A little addenum.
Tunes in my head: About To Crash by Dream Theater
Atmosphere: 2077/50000
By the way, this blog will probably be fairly quiet while I'm actually writing. I'm sure I'll still have the time to post a blog once a day (maybe once every couple of days) but I wouldn't be expecting any massively cosmic rants.
Atmosphere: 2077/50000
By the way, this blog will probably be fairly quiet while I'm actually writing. I'm sure I'll still have the time to post a blog once a day (maybe once every couple of days) but I wouldn't be expecting any massively cosmic rants.
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