If you can't feel the symptoms, it won't effect the cause.

Tunes in my head: Quadrophonic Toppling by Phish
Atmosphere: Struggling to stay awake.

DISCLAIMER
The following post was written at 3:15am this morning in my diary. If you do not wish to read the account of someone suffering severe sleep dep, stop now. This post may contain minor grammatical errors. It is, however, quite real. At the time of this writing (5:54am) there has still been no sleep. Yes, I'm kind of nuts. I know. Please feel free to comment on the below. No illicit substances were consumed before the writing of the below post.

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As I write this post, it's currently 3:15am. No, I will not make out with your friends. Sorry, girls.

Anyway, I'm in the middle of listening to Big Cypress, Phish's NYE 2000 festival, where they played from midnight to sunrise. Of course, something of this nature, with no substantial breaks in the music, must be listened to as a whole.

And so here I am, scrawling.

Why do we push ourselves to do things like this?

Is it because we lack confidence in ourselves, and so we feel the need to push ourselves in order to prove our worth?

Or is it a form of flagelance? Do we do this silly and sick runs of endurance in order to punish ourselves?

(of course, listening to heavenly twenty minute jams is hardly punishment.)

(the sleep dep, however.)

This would normally be the time all of the confessions would come spilling out, where all of the skeletons would tumble out of the closet.

Not now, though.

Why do I force myself to write now, instead of merely letting it come as it does?

Is it because I now see the creative path as something merciless that must be used for money?

Maybe.

Hey, maybe I could write a theatrical piece on the effect of sleep dep on the human anatomy, on the human psyche?

That would be killer.

Somehow the late nights are starting to kill me. I used to be able to stay up until 4:30 every weekend. It just hit 3:25 and I'm really struggling.

Nearly halfway. Another four hours and this will all be over, Liam.

If I had any brains, I'd have started at 10, and so would now be approaching Piper or Roses.

But now I've got to live with the torture.

It's part of what we are. Living with our own self inflicted pain.

And now the ending to Quadrophonic Toppling. The Siket Disc is one of the most interesting albums ever recorded. A collection of improvised, ambient jams, with no purpose beyond their initial creation. The way I see it, however, it makes for perfect late night music. At only 35 minutes, it doesn't overstay it's welcome, either.

My writing's seriously starting to approach illegibility. Time to sign off, methinks.