Tunes in my head: Terrapin by Phish
Atmosphere: Insomnia
It's ridiculous, even. Our need for companionship. We put our hopes, our prides, our needs in the hands of people who could possibly fail in their endeavour to make the other happy.
But yet we still do it. We still aspire to not be alone, we still wish to take a few companions on this strange ride.
It's not even neccesarily in a kissy kissy let's make out sense, per se. People can be platonic companions on the ship. They can sit in the seats at the front of the lifeboat and discuss the virtues of Robert Smith with much passion and valour.
I'm depressed, guys.
I remember this time when I really needed some help. It was not massive, it wasn't life threatening in any means, but it was extremely rough at best.
I got abandoned. Completely and utterly abandoned. It's not neccesarily most of the people's faults, I can't blame them for it. Some I can, but whatever. That's not the point, really.
The point is that I felt so alone in my moment of need. My moment where I needed people to rally behind me for once, who was there?
Nobody.
And it fucking sucked, to put it lightly. It was one of the worst things ever. Because there were several nights where hey, I needed some fucking help and there was nothing I could do about it because I didn't know who to reach to.
I didn't know who I could trust, and I still don't. Yes, people do get preoccupied with things, the notion that I'm the centre of anybody's universe aside from my own (and even that one is questionable) is ridiculous.
But there are times where people should put down what are doing to help. The English homework that people are working on is rather, in fact, very insignificant when on the other end of the line is a person holding a knife to their own throat. Or a similar sort of situation in terms of emotional potency, you know?
When there is a breakup of kinds or an emotionally traumatic event or even just a random breakdown in the middle of the night, there needs to be support there when one needs it. You can't just go "oh, you'll be fine, shut up."
People do that. All the time. It gets rather infuriating.
We all have our own problems, and we all deserve to have them heard. There is no reason why we should be unneccesarily, unfairly condemned to silence.
But when we don't have someone to listen, to hear the words we sail upon, what choice do we have but that torture?
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2 comments:
I hear you on this. Though I've almost given up trying to confide in anyone because it just gets thrown back in my face with an "oh, you'll be fine". Fuck.
It really does suck when you turn around and find no-one is there for you. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own.
I second the latter half or so of the blog. It is really just infuriating sometimes. Or, worse, when you just need a moment of comfort, people forget you in a rant about their own problems. I know, we're all guilty of it, too. But I suppose it works both ways, how often do we go out of our way to comfort another when in emotional distress? Not enough, in my opinion.
People are just all caught up in their own, individual whirlpool of dispair, they don't look to throw a line to another. Rather sad, really.
On the "Oh...dw...you'll be fine" point. Yes, it does sometimes sound like they don't care, or they don't have anything more meaningful to say, but at least they're optimistic. Chances are, they dont have the answers to all your problems, or even one of them, but I suppose the often futile attempt to make you optimistic towards the future is really overlooked and undervalued. I mean, the only way you get over things if to just keep going, getting up and trying again, because some time it WILL go right. Sure, "dw, you'll be fine, there's next time" may seem shallow, but it's actually fairly good advice. Try again, or wallow in the past. *shrugs* Your choice. Not that I'm not guilty of the latter, but I try.
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